How Snape Hated Potter
by ruebella-b
Summary: Every student at Hogwarts liked James Potter a lot... But SNAPE, who was in Slytherin, did not! Snape's Worst Memory set to the rhythm of 'How the Grinch Stole Christmas'


**How Snape Hated Potter**

Every student at Hogwarts liked James Potter a lot...

But SNAPE, who was in Slytherin, did not!

Snape hated Potter! And almost all of Gryffindor!  
Now, please don't ask why. No one's really quite sure.  
It could be that Snape was like all the rest.  
In Slytherin's house, they think they're the best.  
The most likely reason, though it was somewhat silly,  
was that Snape hated James all because of Lily.

But, whatever the reason, whatever its name,  
he sat there on the lawn, hating James.  
Staring over the grounds, from behind Advanced Potions.  
He watched the Marauders, feeling angry emotions.  
Snape knew what to expect from Potter and his lads,  
everyone in that group was nothing but bad.

"And I know he loves Lily!" Snape snarled with a sneer.  
"I must make him stop and I must persevere!"  
Then he groaned with his greasy hair over his eyes,  
"I must find a way to stop that boy I despise!"

For soon, he feared...

That despicable boy would confund her brain.  
The tricks he'd deploy!  
And then!  
Oh the pain! Oh the pain!  
Pain! Pain! Pain!

That's the one thing he feared!  
Oh the PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN!  
Then Lily, his Lily, would run off with James.  
And they'd laugh!  
And they'd laugh!  
And they'd LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH!

They would laugh at his torment, and giggle and jibe!  
The worst kind of pain Snape could ever describe!

And then!  
Where did this leave him?  
He liked this least of all!  
The thought of them together, his Lily and that boy,  
while he sat here alone, dejected and cross,  
they'd stand hand in hand and they'd laugh at his loss.

They'd laugh! And they'd laugh!  
And they'd LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH LAUGH!  
And the more that Snape thought of this living hell,  
a new thought struck him, as clear as a bell.  
"Why for five years at Hogwarts I've put up with his games!  
I MUST end this now and get my revenge on James!  
...But HOW?"

Then he got an idea!  
An awful idea!  
SNAPE got a WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!

"I know just what to do!" Snape laughed with a roar,  
and he felt more excited than every before.  
He stormed and he stewed, "what a thing it will be!  
James Potter will regret ever teasing me!"

"I know what they're up to...  
where they go out at night  
I just need some proof, then I'll have my fight!"  
With his fine plan, Snape smiled as he said  
"I want Potter in pain, I want James Potter dead!"

Closing his notes, he stood up from the grass  
considering ways to avenge and harass,  
He stewed and he stormed about thwarting that ass!

THEN, right out of nowhere, as if they'd apparated,  
blocking Snape's path, were those boys that he HATED!

"Snivellus, my foulest, most greasiest chum,  
why do you sulk about, looking so glum?"

Potter grinned as he spoke, Black laughed with a bark,  
Pettigrew giggled, and Lupin made no remark.  
Snape gritted his teeth as his wand shot out sparks.  
"Get out of my way you stupid great git!"  
But the gleeful Marauders would not submit.

Snape grabbed his wand and made a firm stand.  
"Expelliarmus!" James said, and it flew from his hand.  
Black reached out and caught the wand from the air,  
"I'd be glum too with that nose and that hair!"  
As Snape made a dive for his magical stick,  
he was knocked off his feet by their next evil trick.

James grinned with glee as a crowd gathered round,  
while Snape lay enraged and incensed on the ground.  
"Snivelly dear, how'd you like that last test,"  
he jibed with a jeer and poke to Snape's chest.

Sirius snickered, "He's got quite a skill,  
to write with his nose instead of a quill."

Snape fizzled with fury and simmered with shame  
as the audience applauded that sickening game.  
He spat and he sputtered a hex and a curse,  
swearing a fate upon James so perverse.

James pointed his wand with a swish and a snap,  
"I'm appalled Snivellus, wash out your trap!"  
From Snape's mouth pink soap bubbles started to foam,  
til a shout from behind said "Leave him ALONE!"

As Snape gagged and choked on the flowery soap,  
he looked for the speaker, filling with hope.

Her emerald eyes flashed like a mad Manticore,  
as she drew out her wand to settle the score.  
Standing above him, looking most irate,  
was his beauty, his Lily, his very best mate!

"All right, Evans," James drawled with a stupefied grin,  
puffing his chest and protruding his chin.  
"Let him be!" She replied with greatest dislike,  
"what's he done to you to cause such a strike?"

"Apart from the fact that he's rank and unclean,  
or that he bears a resemblance to pickled rat spleen?  
Its more that he exists, if you know what I mean..."

As the laughter pealed out, James stood there quite smug.  
"You think you're funny but you're naught but a thug!"  
Lily said in a voice that was dripping with scorn  
"You're the most odious toerag that's ever been born!"

"I'll let him alone...  
If you go out with me!  
If we go on a date -  
I'll give an honest guarantee!"

"On a date?" Lily laughed "How thick can you get!?"  
"I'd pick the squid over you, and don't you forget!"  
Sirius laughed, clapping James on the back,  
"Bad luck, Prongs" he said "shall we resume our attack?"  
Before James could answer, as he stood unaware  
Snape drew his wand cutting fast through the air!

James was spattered with blood, a fresh cut on his cheek,  
"How dare you destroy my gorgeous physique!?  
I'll get you for that you odd little freak!"

With naught a second to act or a second to frown,  
instantly Snape found himself upside down.  
His robes billowed over to cover his eyes  
and revealed to the crowd his pale skinny thighs!

And if that weren't enough, in this sick midair dance  
they cheered and they clapped at his grey underpants!

Lily's furious expression twitched into a smile,  
before she said "Let him down!" in a tone most hostile.

Every student at hogwarts, every one and the same,  
even his Lily, they all adored James!  
He COULDN'T stop James, it was done long ago!  
Somehow or other, how didn't he know?

And Snape, with his nasty old pants on display,  
hung puzzling and puzzling: How could she go so astray?  
James was a toerag! That's what she said!  
Yet he couldn't help feeling his heart fill with dread.

He thought of that smile, that hint of a grin  
and Snape felt that torturous sadness begin  
"Maybe Lily," he thought "has finally given in.  
Maybe Lily... perhaps... wants James to win."

And what happened then...?  
Well... at Hogwarts they say  
that Snape's loving heart  
was shattered that day.  
And the minute he felt that pain lash his chest  
he uttered that word of disgust and detest.  
It slipped from his mouth in a rancourous flood  
And he...  
Severus Snape...  
called Lily a mudblood.


End file.
